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Gary Ratson


On Forgiveness

Are you all about forgiveness ? Because forgiveness is all about you. 

It has nothing to do with the people that hurt you, the things they took from you, or forgetting they lied to you, cheated on you, and manipulated you.

Really?

Other people may be long gone, out of your life, dead or worse. Forgiveness is about releasing the anger resentment blame ill will loss vengeance victimhood and poor me-ness that slowly eats away at the heart of well being and esteem that transgressors couldn't care less about. Who you hurting?

Alternatively, the juicy pay off of withholding to get them back, the false power of screwing with them , the control of making them pay, simple revenge or all out war all work to keep the righteous pain as your badge of honor for being right, being principled, being put upon, look what they did to me, feel sorry for me, flimsy pleasures that hide the gnawing hole you cannot even see to start filling in.

Letting go, surrendering, giving it up are not passive acts of defeat rather positive acts of accepting and admitting responsibility for the truly felt despair in order to be free. To drop being a victim you have to confront the wound of betrayal, face your humanness of being wronged, humbly accept your mistaken trust. The opposite of denial and suppression is not wallowing but sitting stoically allows the painful truth to be what it is as the only way to let it burn off.

Burn off? Yes all thoughts and emotions are physically felt sensations of energy in the body, positive and negative. Both anger and joy are experienced as rage and bliss only known by the hold they enact on the biology. Each time the mind reacts to these impulses over a lifetime it deepens the grooves that record the habit patterns of our personality neurosis and suffering.

Since most of your mind activity is subconscious so the sensations are mostly out of waking awareness. Saying I forgave, I'm long over it, I don't think about it, belies an ocean of swirling resentment beyond everyday perception. The volcano of scars that actually exist at depth are only known by way of the next accidental idiot or more wisely, quiet contemplation and mindfulness.

Forgiving people has nothing to do with confronting others, allowing them to continue to hurt you, easing their guilt, doing the right thing or forgetting what happened. It has only to do with facing the acrimony within and like a good cry allow years of raging inferno release, lifetimes of sadness to pour out, and being ok with your animal condition that only by watching mindfully, observing equanimously without adding more fuel to the fire, witnessing peacefully without editorial blather, enduring a necessary misery that relieves you of a future of unnecessary suffering and injury years and levels beyond the actual insult.

You are only done when nothing ignites the same emotions, like it happened to someone else a lifetime ago. No matter what you decide on the future relationship, forgiveness is only about purifying your heart and mind of negativity where no one or nothing can possibly steal your peace of mind because you have emptied the mind of the fight.

They can burn in hell if they want but forgiveness is all about you. 

Dr. Gary Ratson, MD, is an integrative eye physician who sees his patients through a lens of science psychology and spirituality. With experience in sport medicine, eastern healing traditions and various meditative techniques, Dr. Ratson focuses on the patients consciousness as the source of healing.

Steven Ratson

Mensch means "a person of integrity and honor." According to Leo Rosten, the Yiddish maven and author of The Joys of Yiddish, a "mensch" is "someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character". The key to being "a real mensch" is nothing less than character, rectitude, dignity, a sense of what is right, responsible, decorous. The term is used as a high compliment, expressing the rarity and value of that individual's qualities.

I was born and raised in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, and if you believe it when NFL films and ESPN's Chris Berman refer to Lambeau Field as the "frozen tundra", you ain't never been to my hometown!
  
As the fat kid in school who had terrible acne, wore braces, and couldn't afford to wear the coolest track shoes, I was a prime bullying target let me tell you. In the summer of '74 I channeled my inner-Rocky Balboa and and wrote my first comeback story. My reward was meeting my high school sweetheart who went on to become my wife. I was an old soul in a young heart, and felt predestined to live my dream of growing old with my first and only love. I was in heaven.
 
On June 13, 2006, I "uncovered" the affair that my wife had been having for over 22 years, from "before" we got engaged! My best friend, my soulmate, my inspiration, had betrayed me. My marriage had been a sham. I didn't want to live. I was in hell.
 
My life as I had dreamt it was over. I lost everything I ever wanted. I was wandering aimlessly, searching for answers, trying to understand the reason. Then it came, a phone call from a friend in Israel, the son of Holocaust survivors. He told me that I would survive, that I had no choice. He left me with the mantra; that my children's happiness would be my recovery! My second comeback story was in the works, for, as Terrance Mann uttered in my favourite movie Field of Dreams, "Now I know why I'm here"! 
 
This Manifesto is a love letter to my children, my legacy, for the right way to live one's life. I invite you to pledge the Fraternity and join the conversation. Tweet with the hashtag #menschfrat for immediate update to the Mensch Fraternity homepage. Guest posts will be featured on the Bros tab. "If you build it, they will come"! 
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